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Trying my hardest to complete the paperwork for The Louisiana Supreme Courts.. writs forms motions…

Writ done. Application done. Pauper done. Notice done.

Affidavit needs to be done. I don’t have anyone to verify my “lack of funds” but I’m still not afraid to tell them that. I have come so damn far. I have fought through insurmountable odds and dreams. This is the beginning of being a successful and honest way of life. Having the future to look forward to with my best friend and children by my side is the only thing that keeps me going.

I truly have no fucks left to give. I’m not angry or violent,I’m diligent and driven for JUSTICE. AND WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I GET IT.

At this moment I find myself questioning if its reality or something else. I don’t really know what to do with all of this paperwork. I don’t know proper people to ensure it gets to the right place and don’t have anyone to help speak for me.

My panic is real. My anxiety is so high. I’m so damn nervous about not being able to say the right things. It always happens no matter how hard I try I always fuck it up. I wish I had ONE single person to guide me through it. I seriously feel abandoned by the entire world. No faith house. No local support. No state support. No nothing. Not even financial support from my shit bag husband. The courts are seriously full of shit. This is so wrong and so overwhelming to but forced to have no choice but to file my own shit.

I’m not saying it’s not worth it for my kids and my divorce and me to be free to marry again. I’m saying that everyone deserves a support system and a safe and sober clean place to be while they turn their lives in the best direction.

How the hell can anyone expect the same judges to make me feel guilty about asking for MY RIGHTFULLY SUPPORT SO THAT I CAN DO WHAT I NEED TO DO!? It isn’t anyone’s business what the fuck I do with it. I’m beyond exhausted. Emotionally financially physically and just not going through this shit anymore. If they don’t take the case then fuck it. I’ve reached a dangerous level of I don’t give a fuck anymore.

I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling because I’m so pissed off not depressed not angry. Very defeated and exhausted. No one fucking should ever face shit like this alone. Because of politics. You know I haven’t seen the outside world in months. I don’t go shopping I don’t go out for food. I don’t do shit. I haven’t seen my best friend my in so long. I’m so sorry for everything that he has been through. 😞 I haven’t heard my children’s voices or been able to hug them in so long. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there or for the shit they’ve had to go through. 😞 My uncle Paul would be so proud of me. My grams and uncle Bob. I am so sorry I never had a chance to talk to them right before.

My own family has no nothing to do with this injustice and it has always been a game for them. They don’t have time to listen or read or even bother with anything really being told that they don’t have time or they busy or even pay them to do stuff with me or to just come to the house. I’m going to fucking remember this shit. I will never change my values or morals no matter how far I get in life. I will always be humble and kind to people. Because I know what it’s like to be betrayed and abandoned. But don’t ever mistake it for weakness or ignorance. Burn me once I’m done. Ain’t no 3 strikes. After all the shit I’ve been through you can take that to the bank.

Boys mama misses you so much it hurts. But I promise there’s no place too far that I wouldn’t go to ensure we are safe together. Enrique babe, I miss you so much it’s so hard without you being able to communicate with me. I have your words with me. I’m still breathing with you. I won’t let y’all down. Just because you have put your faith in me and you knew everything that you were teaching me through my younger years for a reason.

I was never fully committed because I was constantly running from Rodney and his sick shit, and you knew that because you are a real friend and the only one to truly love me, I swear to you I understand everything now. I’m so grateful for you. I’m so thankful for the past 14-15 years of the strongest friendship and relationship I’ve ever had. Can’t put into words how lonely and tired of not being with you and the boys. Jesus this shit is the hardest few years of my life. Hardest few months ever. I can’t wait until it’s just a memory of how I got to the top of the world with my 3 guys in life with a successful career and life as a family.

Misconduct charges are being filed. Judiciary misconduct charges. Negligence by the State,parish and my own attorney being filed along with malpractice lawsuits and they had no idea how much they did to me. Thought I was ignorant and incapable of such filings? Never expected me to be here much less be headed to the big house by my damn self and NO FEAR. Y’ALL MADE ME THIS WAY. I’M GRATEFUL.

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