It was late, when I returned to the apartment in Humble from visiting Jose Lopez and smoking a few joints. I was fucking exhausted. And my head had been hurting from listening to Jeff cry like a baby and beg me to listen to him to be with him. I didnt want to be with him and he couldnt accept it. I ended up going to Jose’s house to get away. I hadnt smoked in a very long time. But I was told by even my doctor that it helped with migraines. At that point I didnt give a fuck and I still dont. I have nothing to be ashamed of or embarassed of. I made a point to be exclusively OPEN and transparent since this is pretty much a biography of my personal life since Rodney and Jonathan and all associates wanted to exploit my private moments and make shit up about me defaming and slandering and humiliating me. I want the whole picture painted not just a fraction!
Before I could completely walk in the door and lock it, Jeff was acting like a psycho. Bitching about how he was doing his best to get shit packed up, WHY I dont know I had told him already I wanted to be alone I didnt want him and I wanted my children and would do anything for them. He had lost his job as usual. Best Care EMS I believe. Or Harris County Emergency Corps. No it was Best Care. He tried AMR again but I dont know.
I was so fed up with his whining and begging me like a pathetic dog starving who hadnt been fed in a few weeks. The smell of something more than desperation filled the air. I knew there was more to it than him wanting to latch onto me and “BE WITH ME”. It was the ulteriors that concerned me more than anything. I told him LET ME SLEEP! I NEED TO SLEEP PLEASE LET ME SLEEP LEAVE ME ALONE STOP ! I repeated myself for about an HOUR even as I got changed and got into bed and just BEGGED FOR A FUCKING HOUR and then I even said if he let me sleep I would talk to him. I had NO INTENTION of being with a psycho. I had no intention of talking to him either. But I said it to shut him up and get him off my ass.
I dont actually remember what exactly happened because of the severe head trauma that he caused me that day, but somehow I was hit and off the bed. From there I somehow ended up standing face to face with his back to the window that my bullet would eventually penetrate. He was so mad at me that I told him NO I DONT WANT TO FUCKING BE WITH YOU LIKE THAT! HE refused to accept it. He hit me in my face. I went down to the ground. Something keeps popping in my memory. I remember sitting in the bed at some point with him pulling my gun out of my purse and putting it up to his self and then to me. I dont know how but I managed to get the gun away from him. Once he put the gun on me I became calm and focused. Its really weird with me having anxiety I oddly become very calm around high stress situations and anything regading a weapon or my safety or firing a weapon. I kind of think sadly its because I have been fucked with so many times and in grave situations where I have had to train myself to think and act quick and knowing I have one shot or die.. And people call me paranoid because I always prepare for the worst. Take a walk in my shoes.. Tell me if you wouldnt be the same way. I dont have a problem with it. I actually think its a good thing about myself. To be able to make rational decisions in a very dangerous situation which obviously saved my life.
I somehow grabbed the gun and when he lunged forward I knew what he had just done and there was NO FUCKIN WAY HE WAS GETTING THE GUN . I thought it was my life or his for the first time that night. I wanted him OFF OF ME. He had already BASHED my head in while he knocked me on the carpet and got on my back from behind and used my ceramic angel figurines to beat me in the back of my head saying to stroke out and calling me a fucking bitch to listen to him. Like a fucking psychotic raging lunatic. It was close to the brutality of my rape. I am cringing inside thinking of the evil that consumed him that night. HE WANTED ME TO FUCKING DIE! This is a man in charge of educating people in MASS CASUALTY NIMS FEMA and DHA EVOC and CPR, A Paramedic who, was supposed to be my friend, my support, my advocate, WHO WAS BASHING MY HEAD IN AND WANTING ME TO HAVE A FUCKING STROKE! An Emergency Professional Dedicated to saving peoples lives. A person with the authority of WALKING OUT THE BAY WITH NARCOTICS AND PHENERGAN, ACCESS TO ANYTHING IF HE WANTED. As he said HE THINKS LIKE A CRIMINAL AND THIEF.
I will never ever forget about him as he asked me not to. While trying to convince me that he did nothing to me and never hit me that I was strung out on alllllllllllllll kind of medication. HES A FUCKING LIAR. I had grabbed my PHONE and dialed 911 because I knew there was no good ending in sight. I knew I needed HELP. I KNEW THERE WAS NO WAY I WOULD SURVIVE WITHOUT PROOF OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING! After the experiences Ive had with Law enforcement refusing to protect me and refusing to treat me with any dignity or repsect ONCE AGAIN I PLACED MY LIFE IN THEIR HANDS! The beating continued. He had just had a toe amputated and claims thats why he doesnt remember properly. HES A LIAR. HE knew exactly what he was going to do. It was intent to kill me! A gun is not just ohhh I forgot. While on my back, he had his legs squeezing me as I was kind of on my knees bent forward trying to cover my head from the blows landing. I evenutally wiggled to lay on my stomach because I knew my legs were the strongest part of my body and if I could get in a better position to throw him off of me I would survive and get away…
The blows kept coming one after the other. I tried to injure his amputated toe. I tried fighting back, and this Motherfucker did not feel PAIN! I BIT his ARM to get his attention so that I could escape him. Once I did it knocked him off his balance. I hit him as hard as I could in the face and he fell I think I broke his nose and his glasses there was a lot of blood and Im not even sure where from. I think his knee from cutting himself on the glass or ceramic that was broken. Or he claims I DID it to him. I wish the fuck I could take that credit but I cant. HE was going for the gun again. I had no choice. I grabbed it grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom locking the door BEGGING 911 to PLEASE HELP ME. He had no intentions of giving up. He was trying to break the fucking bathroom door down! I was so scared to kill him. Even though I had every right to do so I couldnt. I was just not able to live with someones blood on my hands. I am not the monster people make me out to be.
I wish like hell I could go back because things would be so much different. I would have killed him. I should have. The dispatcher told me to protect myself and pull until I feel my life is no longer in danger. I was told to PUT HIM DOWN! Maam I dont know everything is getting foggy at that moment on the floor in the bathroom directly behind the door in front of the toilet. All I could think about was what if I had to kill him I had to because I couldnt let him kill me and somehow in that moment of survival I couldnt imagine leaving my kids behind. I had purpose to make it. I had a mission to complete to get to my kids again. Because I made a Promise . I went close. I said I would die trying. If thats not the exact definition then I dont know what is.
I dont rememeber much after that. I seen him in cuffs staring me down acting like he was SO HURT. I dont know how but I was waiting on Jonathan to come and help me get out. He was to take me to the ER because my blood pressure and heart rate were so high and the head injures warranted emergency medical treatment. I denied because of the fact it was all his BUDDIES who showed up! I dont even know WHY the went back before the Ambulance left WORD spread like wildfire through Atascocita Fire EMS and The ENTIRE STATE OF TEXAS AND LA! I wonder how so fast? Hmmm? THE MINUTE HE GOT TO WILL CLAYTON PKWY HE WAS BLOWING MY FUCKING PHONE UP! UNDER A MANDATORY NO CONTACT ORDER! WHAT THE FUCK! ITS ENOUGH The constable and Sheriff STRIPPED ME OF MY RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS! They FORCED ME TO SURRENDER ALL WEAPONS. In the apartment and my vehicle. HOW fucking much BULLSHIT can a person be put through then STRIPPED of a constitutional right to BEAR ARMS. Those other guns had NOTHING to do with the situation OR ANY situation. THEY HAD NO FUCKING RIGHT TO LEAVE ME UNARMED AFTER A VIOLENT ATTACK! OR IN ANY MATTER!
A Taurus 357 Magnum. A Smith & Wesson .40 Sig. A Springfield Armory XDS .40 Customized.
ALL REMOVED FROM MY PLACE AND MY POSSESSION! There was a sheriff who was really kind to me and was really upset with me and I would give anything to find him again and thank him because out of ALL of those people investigating the crime scene as well as the shooting, he was the only one who actually cared about my safety and well being and got the order from the constable to have protection from the abuser and his or her family and colleagues and friends. They fucked up bigtime. Because what they did was taunt stalk harrass and futher incite fear and threats on behalf of Jeffery Dennis Carrier 12/10/1975
He served a year. A year of harassing me. No restitution. No Victims rights. No nothing but more shit from the community and DA’s office. Threats. And people wonder what the fuck my problem is? Is it that hard to see what my problem is?? I dont like being threatened or being a victim of VIOLENCE! How hard is it to be supportive of a woman of a violent CRIME!??????
Continued on Next post.