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Thursday Late post. Just not the best fucking day today..a little all over the place this afternoon… I think I must have felt and experience every single emotion and feeling known to man related to betrayal and controlled ignored and insignificant to have basic human rights.


It makes me so damn angry that people have the nerve to tell my children lies about me. Making themselves look like the HERO, when in fact they are the biggest pieces of shit. I don’t care what people think. I care what my kids think. I don’t care what happens, don’t fuck with my kids. What is so hard to understand about that statement. For someone whos surrendered A LONG time ago to the bullshit to the point of suicide, to continue the evasive, elusive, bullshit, and acting like my life is just a game and like a fucking medical study being done or conducted, controlled experience in my life home and not telling me shit, but to make someone feel like they have no rights, no voice, no one in the world to give a flying fuck about them.. Its fucked up to say the least. There are no words to describe the way I am feeling about the same people who have all of the facts and refuse to speak to me without withholding information regarding my life my children and my legal battles.

Its sickening and eventually someone will get hurt. Obviously the children I lost weren’t important enough. My suicide attempt wasn’t important enough. The attempts on my life werent important enough. So what is the fucking point? YOU WON a long time ago you sadistic bitch. All of you. Im not angry. Im not depressed. Im not fucking feeling anything but FAILED to my own children. Because I cant even ESCAPE my abuser. My life to get them to safety. I sacrified my entire life to give them something better. I have fought so hard. I have lost everything, and people in the right places have the ability to make a huge difference in our lives but instead choose to say . Im sorry. Are you ok? I wish you luck. Just Pray. Yeah you don’t think Ive done that? You don’t think GOD saved the babies Ive lose from being murdered? Trevor? The shit I was forced to do? Survive through?

Or lets talk about the starving malnutritioned orphaned children who have no chance in this world? Oh right that’s god there … Fuck you and your God. That’s exactly where I am today. SICK and FUCKING TIRED OF HEARING TO PRAY when God doesn’t fucking pay bills or put food in my fridge. So as far as Im concerned begging for a fucking job, applying myself as best as I can, asking for help, resorting to the desperate shit Ive offered to do in exchange for my children and my safety when IVE DONE nothing wrong to begin with… You all make me fucking sick to have the gall to act as if you know nothing and Im such a mental case. Right.. Now Ive given yall a reason to say something about my current mood. When someone feels human emotions and expresses them and is forced to repress, and ignore, suppress even, and conform, they may not be so happy, especially when no one else sees their worth, and instead uses the most important people in their lives to see how far they can push and bend and twist and fuck over the one person who doesn’t have a fucking problem with being a mental case if that’s what the fuck it takes to keep my kids safe and away from the sickening shit going on.. which is apparently OK to be a fucking piece of shit who hurts and goes after a woman who has never fucking done shit to them except want to LEAVE. To take shit this far and STILL BE FREE to hurt my CHILDREN, you fucking wonder why I am the way I am… ONE way or another.. the truth will be told.

This is the SHIT that I have to BEG for..JONATHAN IS A LIAR AND DANGEROUS TO BE IN THE WORLD WHILE MAKING attempts on my life.. WALKING FREE!

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