Finally a glimmer of HOPE…

So, I’ve spent the last day or so between resting, and filing out forms for attorneys to contact me back regarding my inquiry for representation. It feels like every time I fill those out and give details about my case (s) that I’m sort of begging for help in a situation that could have been avoided if people would have just been honest and civil instead of making a point to make my life harder than it already has been. I ultimately hate filling them out or talking to any legal counsel due to the trauma I suffered with the last attorney who committed malpractice and negligence as well as his reckless behavior that played a huge role in my rights being violated. I get clammy and sweaty thinking about how to explain my situation and I have anxiety about having so much drama in my life that maybe they will think “This woman is off her rocker and I don’t want to be involved.” Kind of like everyone else who walks away from me because of the chaos and conflict in my life. Seems like no matter what changes I make or what I do to have peace and eliminate everyone, that there is always a way for it to find its way back. Its been a long standing issue in my life to always wonder how the hell were these things happening to me and why was it always related to my marriages and custody. Obviously I know why now. But what I don’t understand is why is it still just “There” and no one picking up the case to make sure that it stops, whether criminally or civilly. I am really struggling with wanting answers and wondering why I wasn’t seen as good enough for anyone to value me or help me without having to make deals with some pretty shady people and things.

I have struggled daily, and have to remind myself there is a reason for every single part of the journey. I have to remain focused and positive that better things are coming to me. It cannot rain and be stormy forever

I checked my mailbox out front of my home tonight, when I returned from getting some food and gas. I was shocked to find 2 big manila envelopes containing the court documents providing me with a GRANTED appeal for the denied protective order and a First Fixing and hearing Pre Trial date for my Divorce and Reconventional Demands. I didn’t open it up until I got back in bed and worked up the nerve to deal with disappointment or whatever else Im so used to feeling when trying to complete the whole process or get through it as simple and quickly as possible but always seeming to have someone kick me in the gut just because.

I wasn’t expecting to have something actually turn in my favor after so much has been done to prevent me from having my due process in my civil cases as well as criminal. The only problem is the Hearing Officer Dennis Bundick is also the man who participated in my very long and very hellacious divorce with Rodney Thomson, and who denied me my due process as well as other rights violated and refused to hear me out as well as had a biased opinion about me per the legal counsel and other proceedings being by his wife Rebecca Kirk or his associates who illegally participated instead of recusing themselves or not being involved when presented with a proceeding that involves any relationship business or personal to either party.

Dennis Bundick did not allow me the same rights as the other party in the court. Dennis Bundick did not recuse himself from this case, just as Fitzgerald didn’t recuse himself from being the one to deny my protective order against my husband who broke my bones and had been profiting off of revenge porn and recording me without my permission and making a point to torture me with smart devices. He also is married to the woman and other officer of the court who first violated my right to have proper representation as well as misconduct that caused me irreversible loss and damage because of negligence and abuse of power.

I’m confused as to what my next step should be because I waited so long to be granted a court date for my divorce and appeal that I don’t want to throw it down the drain but at the same time I have a right to be free from predisposed opinions and based judges who have ulterior motives to cause things to be hard for me so that I can’t take action against them for the other cases that they’ve construed to cause me a denial of due process and privacy.

I have emailed, and contacted so many Law Firms, asking or inquiring about representation, that I can’t even keep track of all of the replies stating they are on overload with their cases or not taking any other clients at this time. It’s discouraging. It really makes me wonder how the hell am I supposed to be provided the same rights in the same courts that stripped them from me previously and for over a decade and thus far have gotten away with it..

I know that I have a limited time frame to file my Federal Lawsuit for the civil rights violations, but if I’m in a proceeding now that involves these same people and courts how the hell am I supposed to receive fair treatment without retaliation, and how am I supposed to protect myself and my 5th amendment when they will use my current proceedings to damage me in my federal claim and civil claim against them?

It feels like a constant loop of political bullshit that never stops and only grows more concerning the more power these assholes get. I refuse to give up though. I know that eventually I will get a break from the injustice and the slipping through the cracks. I need to find a way to keep myself on task and filling out as much paperwork for federal court as possible. I am just confused because I don’t have the entire story and people think it’s a game to keep it up and not provide me with the information that I need. It’s really getting to the point where I’m considering using that to turn around and sue my own family for doing this shit of playing mind games and keeping secrets from me because it would not benefit them if they gave me the right answers and I bettered myself.

Pretty pathetic when you sacrifice your whole life and you give to everyone who wouldn’t even give you a nickel if your life support payment was short 5 cents. No exaggeration. I must make the best out of a shitty hand of cards. Nothing is just going to fall in my lap. That doesn’t work like TV does. You have to keep pushing and make a way for yourself.

It’s funny how I can find myself being motivational and inspirational to others and having so much advice on life yet I can’t even apply it to myself and make a simple decision to start the next process and keep positive. I’m better than a few months ago but I’m not where I should be. I’m grateful that little things are shifting. I need to be more kind and compassionate to myself .


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