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The pregnancy AND BIRTH of TREVOR…My dad stood by me through the trouble with an alcoholic mother who needed a break.. (This contains strong language and personal opinions that I chose not to censor or delete once I finally got it out.)

My egg donor Mary Angela Prudhomme or as she calls herself Angelle, that my own MOTHER sent me away for a BREAK from me and from reality… (discussed on last post about YCP)

I was always being thrown on other people and in mental health care facilities and behavioral systems because SHE NEEDED A BREAK….

I WONDER WHY I AM SO SMART AND SO MUCH BETTER THAN SHE EVER WAS AS A MOTHER. SHE FOUGHT FOR A BREAK I FIGHT FOR A MOMENT WITH MY CHILDREN.

SEE THE DIFFERENCE ANGELLE? YOU SOLD MY SISTER AFTER DRINKING YOURSELF UNCONSCIOUS AND MOST LIKELY CAUSING FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME. YOU COULDNT HAVE THE ABORTION BECAUSE IT WAS TOO LATE DEE AND STEVEN SIMS PAID DR FOREMAN FOR YOUR OBSTETRICAL CARE AND YOU LIED TO THEM ABOUT DOING DRUGS AND DRINKING A 5TH OF SOUTHERN COMFORT DAILY!

DONT EVER TELL ME TO CALM DOWN BECAUSE I WANT INFORMATION ABOUT MY CHILDREN. DONT EVER TELL ME YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO LOSE YOUR CHILD BITCH YOU GAVE YOURS AWAY YOU SOLD HER INSTEAD OF GIVING HER TO YOUR SISTER WHO CRIED AND BEGGED YOU FOR A CHANCE TO BE A MOTHER SINCE SHE HAD EMERGENCY HYSTERECTOMY AT 13 AND RAISED ALL OF YOU BROTHERS AND SISTERS INCLUDING UNCLE KURT IN ICU FOR MONTHS AFTER GRAMS HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN WHEN HE WAS ROLLED OVER BY HIS FRIENDS TRUCK. SHE RAISED ME TOO. YOU GAVE ME TO HER AT 2 WEEKS OLD AND YOU TOLD HER YOU WOULD THROW ME ACROSS THE ROOM IF SHE DIDNT COME GET ME WITH MY UNCLE RICKY BECAUSE I WOULDNT STOP CRYING.

YOU CAN LIE ABOUT BEING A GOOD MOTHER ALL YOU WANT. YOURE THE ONE WHO NEEDS MENTAL HELP. YOU ARE THE REASON I NEVER GOT CLOSURE WITH MY SON.

YOU FORBADE ME TO SEE HIM BEFORE THE FUNERAL. YOU MADE ME STOP LOOKING AT HIS PICTURES JUST HOURS AFTER I GAVE BIRTH.

YOU TOLD ME TO LEAVE HIM IN THE MORGUE THAT HE WAS GETTING COLD WHEN I WANTED TO HOLD MY CHLD AND GREIVE THE WAY I NEEDED TO. YOU SELFISH BITCH.

YOURE A CRACK HEAD AND AN ALCOHOLIC WHO CALLS ME DRUNK AND TELLS ME IM A WHORE AND ALL THE MEN IVE BEEN WITH. WHAT ABOUT YOU. YOU DIDNT KNOW MY SISTERS FATHERS NAME YOURE SUCH A GOOD ROLE MODEL. STAYED IN CASINOS AND FUCKING MEN CONSTANTLY TRYING TO BLAME ME FOR YOUR SHIT.

CALLED ME A LIAR WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE SEXUAL ABUSE AND YOU FORCED ME BACK THERE. IM ALWAYS OVERREACTING BUT ITS THE DAMN TRUTH.

THE WORST THING THAT YOUVE DONE TO ME WAS WHEN YOU COVERED MY EARS WHEN I WANTED TO HEAR THE DOCTORS SAYING THAT MY SON WAS A SON AND NOT A DAUGHTER… AND THAT HE WAS NOT FOING TO LIVE… YOU ROBBED ME OF THAT TIME FOR ME RO MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF AND MY CHILD.. YOU NEVER WANTDLED EITHER OF US.

YOU DAMAGED ME BY TAKING MY MOMENT FROM ME I WAS A MOM TO MY CHILD AND YOU INTERFERED SO YOU COULD HAVE CENTER OF ATTENTION AND TRY TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR ME WHEN YOU ABANDONED ME AND ACCUSED ME OF GETTING PREGNANT ON PURPOSE AND YOUR EXACT WORDS WERE ” I JUST GOT RID OF ONE AND NOW YOURE BRINGING ANOTHER ONE IN MY HOUSE WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO” YOU SHIPPED ME OFF TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE.

YOU ONLY WANTED ME WHEN THERE WAS A DISABILITY CHECK OR CHILD SUPPORT FROM MY DAD. I CAN REMEMBER LIVING ON DEBONAIRRE ROAD IN SCOTT IN THE OLD SLAVE HOUSE WITH THE OAK TREES WHERE MY DAD HAD THAT MAROON CAMARO AND THE TAN AND BROWN CHEVY WITH THE WOODEN BEADED SEAT COVER INSIDE AND ROTTWEILERS IN THE BACK YARD AND MY SCOOTER PARKED MY THE CHIMNEY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE SO WE WOULDNT FALL IN DADDYS GARDEN OF VEGETABLES HE WAS GROWING…

YOU CAME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DRUNK AS A SKUNK THREATENING MY DAD FOR MONEY AND YOU WANTED TO HURT HIM FIGHTING ON THE DEONT PORCH ON THAT LEATHER SOFA AND YOU RIPPED ME FROM HIS ARMS! MY DAD CRIED! BECAUSE HE KNEW YOU WOULD EITHER KILL US TRYING TO DRIVE 5 HOURS RO BOOTHVILLE OR YOUD KEEP ME FOR ANOTHER FEW MONTH’S JUST LIKE YOU DID IN THE PAST.. THE STATE POLICE WOKE ME UP KNOCKING ON THE WINDOW WHILE YOU WERE PASSED OUT IN THE BLUE SPECTRUM ON OUR WAY BACK TO BOOTHVILLE JUST PAST MARINGOUIN OFF ATCHAFALAYA BRIDGE ON I 10 EAST YOU PISSED ON YOURSELF AND WOULDNT WAKE UP WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD.. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER HOW BUT JEANETTE AND MY DAD DIDN’T GET ME BACK UNTIL A FEW MONTHS LATER WHEN THEY LEGALLY FOUGHT YOU.. THAT WAS SO FUCKED UP

. MY DAD ISNT PERFECT BUT AT LEAST HE LOVES ME AND HE FOUGHT FOR ME. I was his whole world… you knew that and you did exactly what rodney is doing to me…

HE TOOK ME TO SUE FONTENOT WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND TOOK ME AWAY FROM YOU AND CHANGED MY NAME BUT SOMEHOW YOU STILL FOUND A WAY TO TAKE ME BACK FROM HIM AND JEANETTE MAYBE BECAUSE ALL YOU DID WAS FUCK AND MARRY FOR MONEY. LEO BOURG. MIKE HANKS. YOU NEVER LOVED THEM YOU LOVED THE MONEY AND THE LIFESTYLE AND THE BOOZE AND THE FREEDOM TO DUMP ME OFF. THATS THE FUCKING TRUTH AND YOU KNOW IT!

MY DAD HAS TO SNEAK TO PUT A ROSE FOR VALENTINE’S DAY EVERY SINGLE YEAR AND ON BIRTHDAYS THAT YOU KEPT ME AWAY FROM HE NEVER ABANDONED ME THE WAY YOU DID. YOU USED ME IN YOUR GAME OF CHESS THAT YOU POORLY PLAYED, DONT EVER TALK ABOUT MY DAD AGAIN. MAYBE YOURE THE REASON ALL OF US HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING MISERABLE AND YOUR ANTICS AND YOUR SHIT YOU DID TO EVERYONE AND WONDER WHY PEOPLE WONT HELP YOU OR RESPECT YOU OR EVEN GO AROUND YOU. ALL IT TAKES IS RESPECT AND OWNING UP TO YOUR SHIT. AND NOT JUST SAYING “OH YEAH OK WHATEVER YOU HAPPY SO WHAT” CHANGED BEHAVIOR AND REMORSE BY SHOWING EFFORT TO REPAIR THE LIVES YOU DESTROYED. HOW CAN YOU INSTILL ME TO HAVE A BACK BONE AND STAND UP AND BE A GOOD PERSON WHEN YOU ARE THE CULPRIT OF THE FUCKING PROBLEM… ILL NEVER FORGET WHAT YOU HAVE DONE BUT I FORGIVE YOU FOR ME. NOT FOR YOU BUT MYSELF. I FORGIVE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT THINK YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE. I NEED TO BE ABLE TO MOVE FORWARD WITH MY LIFE AND YOURE NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY ANYMORE.

YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY YOU HAVE NO ONE AND YOU DONT HAVE RESPECT FROM ME. YOU WONT ADMIT WHAT YOU DID. TRYING TO RUN ME INTO THE 18 WHEELER SPECIFICALLY SAYING “I OUGHT TO JUST KILL US BOTH RIGHT NOW” AFTER YOU HAD ABANDONED ME AT THE DOCTOR FOR THE PHYSICAL FOR MY OWN CHOICE TO GO TO YCP TO GET AWAY FROM YOU AND YOUR DRUNKEN BEATINGS EVEN WITH MY OWN CRUTCHES WHEN MY FOOT WAS BROKEN AND YOU MADE ME GO TO SCHOOL ON A BROKEN FOOT FOR 3 DAYS AND CALLED ME A LIAR!!!!!!!

WE WERE IN FRONT OF JUVENILE DETENTION CENTER QND MY TRUANCY PROBATION OFFICER CARRIE DEAN AND PEARL RICHARD THEY KNOW WHAT YOU DID BECAUSE YOU DUMPED ME THERE AND SAID YOU NEEDED A BREAK AND YOU COULDNT HANDLE ME… WHAT A GREAT MOM.

I TOLD YOU THAT ALL I WANTED WAS YOU TO STEP UP ADMIT YOUR MISTAKES BUT NO YOU RATHER GET DRUNK AND CALL ME TALKING SHIT AND LYING TO PEOPLE ABOUT ME TO MAKE YOURSELD LOOK BETTER. MAKE SURE YOU TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH ABOUT EVERYTHING BEFORE YOU PLAY VICTIM WHO WAS SUCH A LOVING MOTHER YOU STOLE ME FROM MY DAD THE SAME WAY MY EX HUSBAND STOLE MY KIDS. TO BE HATEFUL BECAUSE YOU SURE AS HELL DIDN’T WANT ME AND REMINDED ME ON A DAILY FUCKING BASIS HOW YOU WISH YOU WOULD HAVE HAD THE ABORTION BUT MY DAD DIDNT LET YOU. YOU FUCKING BITCH TO TELL ME I NEED MENTAL HELP. IM STILL IN MY MIND.

I REMEMBER EVERY DAMN THING IN MY LIFE!!!! TRY ME? ASK ME ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE I BET I GOT YOU BEAT…AND IM A DAMN GOOD MOM MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER BE. DO I HATE YOU NO

I THINK YOU NEED PSYCHOLOGICAL CARE AGAIN JUST LIKE I HAD TO GO TO THE CORONER’S OFFICE ON LAKE STREET IN LAKE CHARLES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT WITH A NEW BABY BECAUSE YOU WERE OUT OF CRACK AND DRUNK CALLING ME SAYING YOU WOULD KILL YOURSELF.

I DROVE FROM JEANETTE AND DADS HOUSE ALL THE WAY TO LC THEN WESTLAKE TO KEEP YOU SAFE AFTER ALL YOU PUT ME THROUGH I STILL LOVED YOU ENOUGH TO PROTECT YOU FROM KILLING YOURSELF THEN SAME FUCKING WAY MY NANNY KILLED HERSELF. ITS NO SECRET WHAT HAPPENED. I SPOKE TO ST LANDRY PARISH CORONER MY DAMN SELF. YALL SHOULF BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES FOR LYING TO ME ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AND NOT GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO HEAL OR GRIEVE OVER MY CHILD AND MY NANNY WHO WAS A MOTHER BECAUSE YOU DIDNT WANT TO BE ONE

MY DAD MAY BE A LOT OF THINGS BUT I KNOW HE LOVES ME HE GOT FUCKED UP WITH THE WRONG CROWD AND MADE MISTAKES JUST LIKE ANYONE IN LIFE DOES. I REMEMBER HIM TEACHING ME TO DRIVE AND TOLD ME TO PUT MY FOOT IN IT. WE HAD JUST SMOKED MY FIEST JOINT AND I WAS GIGGLING AT HIM TELLING ME TO GO FASTER IN THAT 69 CAMARO SS BOY THAT WAS A BEAUTY SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY CAR BUT SHIT HAPPENS. DAD SAID HED TIE MY FOOT DOWN BECAUSE I KEPT TRYING TO BRAKE WITH THE LEFT FOOT.

I REMEMBER IT LIKE YESTERDAY IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS IN MY LIFE WE WERE IN THE COUNTRY IN MIRE AND HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS DAD AND THEIR FAMILY MY UNCLE HAD A BAR OUT THERE AND SOME AUNTS AND UNCLES USED TO OWN A MOM AND POP GROCERY STORE. WE WERE GOING OVER THE OVERPASS IN DUSON BY TOBY MOUTON ROAD AND I REMEMBER I HAD BLUE AND WHITE DOLLAR STORE TENNIS SHOES THAT JEANETTE HAD BOUGHT ME AND MY DAD WORW A BLUE TANK TOP WITH SOME GAY LOOKING SANDS THAT HAD 2 STRAPS ON THE TOP. THERE WAS NO SEATBELTS WHEN THE CAR WAS MANUFACTURED. THE SPEEDLIMIT WAS 45 BUT I WAS GOING UNDER 30-35 BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE I WAS GOING FAST! I WAS HIGH AS A GIRAFFES ASS. πŸ˜‚

I MISS THOSE DAYS MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. THE ONE PERSON I TRIED TO RUN TO WAS DADDY AND SHEILA WHEN RODNEY CALLED ME A LIAR AND TOLD ME HE WAS REPLACING ME WITH SOME 17 YEAR OLD THAT HE MET AND I JUST WANTED MY KIDS AND TO GO TO MY DADS DOWN THE ROAD…

MY DAD WAS THE FIRST TO HOLD MY KIDS BEFORE ANYONE ALL 3 BOYS. TREVOR TYLER AND BRANDEN . MY DAD HADNT TALKED TO ME BECAUSE OF PRIOR OPINION OF RACISM THAT WE SHOULDN’T DATE OUTSIDE OF OUR OWN RACE, HIS OPINION NOW OF COURSE IS CHANGED.

AT ONE POINT HE HAD DISOWNED ME AND WOULDNT SPEAK TO ME FOR 6 MONTHS WHILE PREGNANT WITH TREVOR. HE WAS DISAPPOINTED THAT I WAS A YOUNG MOTHER AND I HAD A BRIGHT FUTURE TO ESCAPE A FUCKED UP FAMILY… I UNDERSTAND NOW..BUT THEN I WAS NAIVE AND BEING TOLD SO MUCH SHIT BY MY EGG DONOR… AFTER 6 MONTHS OF NOT SPEAKINF I CALLED MY DAD’S PHONE AND SAID “DADDY I NEED YOU THEYRE TAKING THE BABY AND HES GONNA DIE IM SCARED” MY DAD HAD JUST HAD SINUS SURGERY AND WASNT SUPPOSE TO EVEN WALK AROUND HE DROVE AN HOUR DISTANCE IN LESS THAN 3P MINUTES TO GET TO ME!!!!!!

THATS LOVE. MY DAD HELD MY SON BEFORE ME. MY DAD MADE ME BE.A BETTER MOM. HE EXPLAINED THAT HE UNDERSTOOD I WANTED TO KEEP TREVOR EVEN WITH HEALTH PROBLEMS BUT HE WAS SUFFERING AND IT WASNT FAIR TO HIM TO BE IN PAIN THAT HE COULD ALWAYS BE WITH ME IF I LET HIM GO. HE SAID “YOU DONT WANT HIM TO SUFFER AND BE IN PAIN ALL OF HIS LIFE DO YOU” AT THAT MOMENT I BELIEVE I BECAME A GREAT MOM AT ONLY 16 I TOLD THEM TO GIVE THE PAPERS TO REMOVE THE TUBES THAT WERE USED TO BREATHE FOR HIM AND HAD BEEN VIOLENTLY SHAKING HIS BODY AND COLLAPSED ONE OF HIS LUNGS..

HE WAS TURNING COLORS AND I DIDN’T WANT MY BABY TO SUFFER SO I LET HIM GO. AND WHEN I DID MY DADDY WAS ON THE SIDE OF ME TO HOLD MY HAND WHILE I LET TREVOR GO TO HEAVEN WITH GRAMS. TREVOR OPENED HIS BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES AND JUST LOOKED AT ME… HE WAS SO SAYS BLIND AND DEAF BUT THEY DIDN’T KNOW SHIT.. HE SQUEEZED MY FINGER AND MADE A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO CONTINUE BREATHING BUT HE JUST COULDNT. I REMEMBER MY DAD CRYING AND ME CRYING AND THEM BAPTIZING HIM RIGHT BEFORE IT WAS TIME TO LET GO..

IM TEARING UP AS I WRITE THIS BECAUSE IVE NEVER SHARED THOSE INTIMATE MOMENTS WITH MYSELF LET ALONE THE WHOLE WORLD.. MY SON DIDN’T STRUGGLE IN HIS LAST HOUR. I WAS TOLD HE WOULDNT SURVIVE MORE THAN 5 MINUTES OFF THE MACHINES TO BE PREPARED FOR GASPING AND OTHER GRUESOME SHIT THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN… NONE OF THAT HAPPENED. HIS SATURATION WENT UP THE MINUTE HE WAS PLACED IN MY ARMS TO LIVE HIS FINAL MOMENTS AND EVENTUALLY HE WENT DOWN THEY TURNED THE MACHINE OFF BECAUSE I KEPT LOOKING AND CRYING AND ASKING FOR A MIRACLE WATCHING THE NUMBER GO FROM 74% TO 69% RO 62% TO 54% RO 37% AND I KNEW…

I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING AND I WAS STILL ON THE STRETCHER FROM MY C SECTION IN NICU I WAS LOSING MY BABY WHILE I WATCHED A MOM ROCK AND NURSE HER BABY IN THE ROOM ACROSS FROM MY SONS BEDSIDE. I WAS SO MAD I WAS SO ANGRY THAT SHE GOT TO DO THAT I AND I WOULDN’T EVER EXPERIENCE THAT WITH TREVOR.

TREVOR MICHAEL PRUDHOMME IS THE REASON WHY I LOVE MY CHILDREN SO MUCH BECAUSE OF WHAT I’VE SEEN TO BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD AND TO HOLD HIM UNTIL HE TOOK HIS LAST BREATH IN MY ARMS WITH HIS TINY FINGERS WRAPPED AROUND MY RIGHT INDEX FINGER AND KNOWING HE HAD JUST LOOKED AT ME AND SQUEEZED MY FINGER THAT I SOMETIMES STILL FEEL..

I MADE A PROMISE THAT IF I EVER GOT A CHANCE TO BE A MOMMY AGAIN THERE WOULD BE NO DOUBT ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY WERE LOVED I NEVER WANTED TO BE LIKE MY MOTHER I WANTED TO LOVE THEM THE SAME WAY I LOVED TREVOR AND HE LOVED ME. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. RODNEY KNEW THAT HE USED IT AGAINST ME AND MADE A MOCKERY OF ME IN THE COURT OF LAW AND THE COMMUNITY AND HE FUCKING ROBBED ME OF MY CHANCE TO BE THAT SAME LOVING MOTHER TO MY CHILDREN BECAUSE OF HATRED AND HIS OWN MENTAL ILLNESS THAT HE DOESNT THINK HE HAS…

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